


Ghosts of my Girlfriend's Past

by grrriliketigers



Series: Devil May Care [2]
Category: The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-03
Updated: 2013-04-02
Packaged: 2017-12-07 08:12:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/746297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grrriliketigers/pseuds/grrriliketigers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Devil May Care</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

New York City, NY, USA May 2012

Miranda was seated in her usual seat at the kitchen table, glasses on the bridge of her nose, concentrating intently on her crossword puzzle. 

"Nineteen down is Al Gore." Lucas said leaning over her. 

Miranda smirked, "I know, I just haven't gotten there yet." 

Cassidy bounded into the kitchen and grabbed an apple, "morning, mom." She kissed Miranda's temple. "Morning, dad."

"Good morning, princess." Lucas smiled.

"Your father says good morning." Miranda said as she penciled in Eleven across. "Do you have another final this morning?"

Cassidy sighed, "yes, I do. Intro to Biology and it's cumulative." 

"Did you study?"

"I... studied enough." 

Miranda looked over at Lucas. "Don't involve me in this." He put up his hands. 

Miranda sighed and looked to her daughter, "good luck, bob." 

"Thanks, mom." Cassidy turned to leave and almost ran into Andy. "Hi and Bye." 

Andy was startled by the redheaded whirlwind that encircled her and ran off, "bye..." she managed at the last moment when she realized what had happened. She leaned down and kissed Miranda firmly on the mouth. Miranda's fingers gently carressed Andy's jawline as she returned the kiss. "Good morning, darling." 

"It certainly is now." Miranda grinned. 

Andy poured herself a cup of coffee. "Morning, Lucas." 

"She doesn't like me." Lucas said, leaning toward Miranda. 

"He says good morning."

Lucas laughed, "when did you become such a diplomat? Thirty down is vatican."

"What part of I haven't gotten that far don't you understand?" Miranda asked with exasperation.

"What?" Andy asked, peeking around the refrigerator door. 

Miranda shook her head, "just talking to Lucas." 

"Do I have to separate you two?" Andy teased sitting down with a bowl of cereal and a banana. "Nineteen down is Al Gore." 

Miranda sighed and penciled Al Gore into the appropriate boxes. "Are you both happy now?" 

"Thirty down. Vatican." Lucas pointed. 

Miranda closed the newspaper. "This is exactly why we got divorced." She pointed a finger accusingly at Lucas. 

Lucas smirked. "Nothing to do with you being the biggest closet case on the planet, right?" 

"Miranda," Andy laid a hand over Miranda's, drawing the older woman's attentions back to her. "You're married to _me_." Andy tapped the white gold wedding band on Miranda's ring finger for emphasis.

Miranda grinned slowly. 

"I told you." Lucas snorted, "she's jealous. She doesn't like me because we bicker like an old married couple. She wants to do that with you. She wants to grow old with you. Too bad it's not in the cards though, since you're already old." 

Miranda closed her eyes, not going to allow Lucas to pull her attention away from Andy. "Not a thing in the world could ever distract me from you." Miranda leaned forward and kissed Andy softly, "I love you, my beautiful wife." 

"I love you, too, Miranda," Andy smiled dreamily. "I'll see you tonight at six." 

"Everyone leaves me." Miranda reclined in her chair melodramatically. "Caroline went to school out of state, Cassidy leaves in the morning to go to school, you run off to the citydesk at the Mirror." 

"Oh sweetheart," Andy ran her hand over Miranda's cheek. "You're not alone. You have Lucas."

Lucas hooted, "that was a 'suck it up' if I ever did hear one." 

**

_New York City, NY, USA September 2011_

_"Hey mom?" Cassidy yelled from the doorway, "are you ready to go?"_

_"I'll be right down, girls," Miranda called down from upstairs, "is Andrea with you?"_

_"No, she had to finish something up at the office and she's going to meet us up at the house." Caroline looked at her watch, "if we don't get going we're going to miss the fireworks."_

_"I'm coming." Miranda insisted. A minute later she descended the stairs and looked at her daughters but her gaze settled upon Lucas who stood between them. "What are you doing here?"_

_The girls looked at each other and then back at Miranda, "we're here to pick you up. To go to the Hamptons..."_

_"Not you two..." Miranda furrowed her brow and shook her head. Lucas stared at Miranda dumbfoundedly, realization beginning to dawn on her._

_"There's no one else here," Cassidy stared at her mother worriedly._

_"You can see me!" Lucas exclaimed._

_"Damn it..." Miranda breathed, grief overtaking her body, making her feel heavy and sad. "Girls, I have some bad news for you..."_

**

Miranda followed Andy out to the foyer. "I hate retirement." She whispered as she leaned into Andy, "I feel so useless and I'm bored out of my mind. And if you tell me to get a hobby one more time I'm going to scream." 

Andy shrugged, "Miranda, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not going to tell you to go back to work. It almost killed you. You're doing great now, your blood pressure is normal again, you're going to live to see your daughters graduate college, find true love and all that crap." 

"What's so good about staying alive if I'm doing _nothing_ with my time?" Miranda demanded, not swayed by Andy's attempt at appealing to her maternal sentiment. "I feel like all I do all day is sit around and wait for you to come home. I love spending time with you, I love you with my whole heart and I love being with you. But you're gone for about eight or nine hours a day and I have to _do_ something with my time."

"And what? You want my permission?" Andy frowned. 

Miranda rolled her eyes, "no. I just want to tell you how I feel." 

"You could cross Lucas over." Andy folded her arms across her chest, "if you're so desperate to _do_ something, that gets my vote." 

**

_New York City, NY, USA February 2012_

_Miranda was in her office looking over another abysmal collection that some misguided soul thought was good enough to grace the pages of her magazine. Of Runway. Of the gold standard!_

_Miranda shook her head curtly, rising from her chair and looking disdainfully upon the unfortunate underlings who held up the pieces. "This will_ not _do." She snarled, "this is simply inadequate. It is a thinly veiled repetition of December's Vogue spread which was awful to begin with."_

 _Nigel hung back, having warned Jocelyn and Cara not once but_ twice _that Miranda would hate the spread. He was grateful not to be object of her current ire._

 _"If you want to put together subpar photoshoots I suggest you submit your resumes to Anna because I will up put this work unthought out_ not _."_

_Jocelyn and Cara looked over to Nigel, wondering if that had sounded as strange to him as it did to them. Nigel took a tentative step towards Miranda._

_"Looking at what are you?" Miranda demanded, she took a step forward, her calf muscle tensing and her foot shook. She put her foot down and her heel was at the wrong angle and she started falling forward._

_Nigel rushed forward, catching her, "Miranda!" He held her protectively._

_Miranda gasped, "hurts head my..." She squeezed her eyes shut, reaching up to clutch her head._

_"Call an ambulance!" Nigel snapped at the stunned women._

**

"He's not ready to be crossed over, he wants to see the girls graduate. They want him to be there at their graduations. How can I deny my girls that?" 

"Miranda, shit happens. Shit happens to people's parents. I didn't get to have my mother at our wedding but I didn't ask you to keep her earthbound just to walk me down the aisle!" 

"Why shouldn't I grant them that wish if I have the means? I'm paying for their college educations because I have enough money, I gave them designer clothes because they were given to me. Other children don't get those things because their parents don't have the means. I can see ghosts, I can help Lucas stay with his daughters because that is something that I _can_ do."

"So all of a sudden you're so thrilled you have this ability that you've spend thirty years trying to repress." Andy snapped, "just in time to make your ex-husband our permanent house guest."

"I told you. She hates me." Lucas spoke into her ear from behind her. 

Miranda jumped, "Lucas, don't sneak up on me like that. You're not helping, be quiet." 

"Oh my god," Andy cried, "this is _exactly_ what I'm talking about, Miranda! This is what happens all the time, every time I try to talk to you about anything Lucas has to interject. For the record, Lucas, I don't give a shit what you have to say and I would like to talk to _my_ wife without an invisible audience!"

"Touchy..." Lucas muttered, Miranda gave a minute nod in agreement.

"And don't do that." Andy accused, staring at Miranda in amazement. "He just said something and you're agreeing with him! Don't think I didn't see you nod. Oh my god, this is making me crazy." 

"This is making _me_ crazy, Andrea! I can't control Lucas, no more than I can control _you_." 

"Unfortunately," Lucas laughed. Miranda snorted. 

"This is loss of power issues. You don't make hundreds of clackers piss themselves daily any more and you're looking for a confrontation." 

"Andrea, the only one being confrontational here is you." Miranda said calmly. 

**

_New York City, NY, USA February 2012_

_Miranda's eyes opened slowly. Lucas was standing over and she had a chilling flashback to waking up in the alley in White Chapel. "Don't stand over me like that," she said weakly, sitting up, "am I dead?"_

_"Not yet, old girl. But it was a near miss."_

_Miranda felt a tug on her arm and looked down to see the iv in the vein at the inside of her elbow. She rubbed her head trying to remember anything but found that the last week seemed to be gone. "What happened?"_

_"You stroked."_

_"I had a stroke?" Miranda repeated, shocked. "My mother had a stroke. It killed her."_

_"I heard the doctors talking, your blood pressure is appalling, that's what brought it on. You were only out for a day and they were concerned that the stroke damaged the part of your brain that controls speech because Nigel said you were jumbling up your sentences right before you passed out. But you're speaking pretty clearly to me."_

_"Where's Andrea?"_

_"She's being hassled by the doctors because she's not related." Lucas said, Miranda frowned. "She's on the phone with Caroline now."_

_"Would you go get her for me?" Miranda looked over at Lucas._

_He scoffed, "are you crazy? Would you like me to flag down the doctor too? No problem, no problem at all..."_

_Miranda rolled her eyes, "go touch her, make her shiver. Get her attention."_

_"Fine." He sighed heavily and disappeared._

_A minute or so later, Andy ran into the room, "Miranda!" She cried, rushing forward and taking Miranda's hand, placing soft kisses on her face. "You scared me."_

_"I'm sorry, darling." Miranda whispered, stroking Andy's hair. "Will you marry me?"_

_Andy pulled back, watching Miranda's face with surprise. "You're serious?"_

_"This has really shown me that I have precious little time and I don't want to waste even one more minute. I love you; I want to marry you. As soon as I get out of here I'm going to buy you a beautiful ring. Maybe we'll get married in Paris right by that fountain that you threw your phone into."_

_Andy laughed, wiping her eyes. "You're amazing."_

_"Is that a polite rejection?" Miranda nipped at Andy's bottom lip._

_Andy shook her head, "no, not at all, beautiful. It is adamantly yes."_

**

"You are completely impossible, Miranda." Andy sighed defeatedly, "no matter what I say you always have a smartass answer, don't you? You are worse than your teenaged daughters." 

"Right on, sister." Lucas snickered. Miranda frowned, getting ready to tell Lucas to bugger off, but he continued, "that's exactly what her mother says about her too, says she's always been like this, ever since she was a kid." 

Miranda turned to Lucas, "what did you say?"

"About what?" Lucas asked, stunned that Miranda cared. 

Andy snapped her fingers near Miranda's ear, "hey, _we're_ having an argument. At least do me the courtesy of pretending to care about my feelings." 

Miranda was torn between mollifying Andy and demanding Lucas explain what he just said about her mother. On the one hand it was an argument that had been going on in the background of every interaction for a couple weeks, on the other it pertained to a 50-year-old war between she and her mother. On the one hand it pertained to a very alive, very irritated wife, on the other it pertained to an eight years dead, cranky old ghost who, presumably, wasn't going anywhere very fast. 

"Andrea, of course I care about your feelings." Miranda said softly, trying to calm her wife.

"Forget it, I'm late for work." Andy slung her messenger bag over her shoulder. "Have fun with your husband."

The door was slammed behind her. Miranda watched the back of the door for a few moments before turning back to Lucas, "alright, what is it you were saying about my mother?"


	2. Chapter 2

Lucas crossed his arms across his chest. "I'm having some flashbacks to our arguments and I think I'm on Andy's side in this. You're an infuriating arguer."

"Are you kidding?" Miranda frowned, "you're the cause of the argument, you can't be on a side. She wants you to cross over, is that what you want?" 

Lucas shook his head, remembering that that had been Andy's main point. "No..." 

"That's right." Miranda sighed, "we're going to set out some ground rules right now: one, stop talking to me while Andrea's around; I like her better. Two, let me do my crossword puzzle on my own unless I ask your help. Got it?" 

"Fine." Lucas pouted. 

"Now, please tell me that what you said about my mother was a horribly misguided joke." 

"Do you want me to tell you that it's a joke even if it's true? Or do you want me to actually tell you the truth?" 

Miranda rubbed her eyes, "I'm going to assume from your gibberish that it is _true_." She sighed heavily, "this is unbelievable... this is ridiculous..." 

"So, you don't believe it?" 

"No, of course I believe it." Miranda grumbled, "this is completely typical. The conniving cunt." 

"Whoa." Lucas's eyes widened, "you've got a mouth on you, huh? I always assumed that the girls got it from me. I knew you were estranged from your family, but I didn't realize there was so much hostility." 

"Well, I left home and never looked back, she never reached out to me, she never cared about... anyway, we haven't spoken since I was sixteen. I assumed that she crossed over, I never imagined that even in death she wouldn't reach out to me." 

"Maybe she didn't know that you'd be able to see her." 

"Oh, she knows." Miranda started to pace the foyer, "she knows very well that I can see ghosts. In fact, it was the beginning of the end for our relationship when I came back after those three weeks. I suspected that she didn't want me to come back." 

"I'm sure that's not true. She was your mother." 

"You don't know my mother like I do, Lucas, you don't know her."

Lucas reached out, trying to put a comforting hand on her shoulder, but his hand moved through her. "Stop that." She snapped, "you know I hate that."

Lucas offered her a pacifying smile, "it was an attempt at comfort and I see that it had exactly the opposite effect." He gave Miranda a few minutes of quiet before continuing, "you're right, I didn't know your mother, maybe my objectiveness is just the thing you need." 

Miranda watched him curiously. 

He paused to think about his next words, "maybe this is your opportunity to let it go, let your mother go." 

"Where did you see her?" 

Lucas bit his lip, "I don't think this is a good idea..." 

"Lucas, _where_ is my mother?" 

"This is a good opportunity to let the healing process begin. My shrink was saying that to me before I died and I think it really rings true for this situation, too." 

"Lucas, I will only ask you once more."

"Miranda, don't make me..." Lucas furrowed his brow. 

"Lucas." Miranda said slowly, drawing each and every word out as menacingly as possible, " _where_... did... you... see... my... _mother_." 

"Brooklyn." He said quickly, "she was in the Brooklyn Jewish community." 

"That makes some sense... What doesn't make sense is why _you_ were there." Miranda narrowed her eyes.

Lucas guiltily avoided looking her in the eye, "my sexy secretary lives there... I was in the neighborhood, I wasn't doing anything creepy like watching her undress or anything, I just like to look at her." 

"Hey, whatever, we're not married anymore, I don't care who you see naked." Miranda stopped to think, "as long as it isn't me or Andrea." 

Lucas laughed nervously. 

Miranda glared at him. 

"It's funny. Even though I'm dead already, your death glares are still really scary..." Lucas fidgeted. 

"How do you know that it was my mother?" Miranda shook her head, wanting to focus on the matter at hand. 

"Well, the nose was a dead giveaway for one. If you were thirty pounds heavier, blonde and twenty-years older, I'd swear she was your twin." 

Miranda shook her head. 

"She was sitting on a bench with two other women, the one in the middle was alive and she was reading a copy of Runway and your mother and the woman on the other side were talking about you." 

"Curiouser and curiouser." Miranda pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes in thought. "My mother who died in London is now sitting on park benches in a Jewish neighborhood in Brooklyn." She paused again, "who was the other woman she was talking to?"

Lucas shrugged, "I don't know. Does it matter?" 

Miranda shrugged, pulling out her Blackberry and pulling up the internet. "With any luck my sister has kicked the bucket, too..."

"I bet _your_ family reunions are fun..."

Miranda scrolled through google, "no obituaries found... doesn't mean she's not dead... oh, an old picture." Miranda turned the blackberry toward Lucas, "is this the woman my mother was talking to? She's four years older than me"

He examined the picture, something about it seemed familiar. "No..." he said finally, but hesitantly, "no, I think the woman she was talking to was more than four years older than you, but..."

Miranda watched him expectantly, "oh please, take your time."

He made a face at her, but went on, "I think she was the woman who was reading the magazine. She was the alive one." 

"So, Joanne is in New York and she brought our mother with her." Miranda bit her lip thoughtfully. She slipped the blackberry into her pocket. "I'm going to change and you're going to take me to where you saw my mother."

"No, I'm not." Lucas insisted stubbornly.

"Yes, you are." Miranda called over her shoulder as she ascended the stairs. 

"Absolutely not, Miranda." He yelled from the bottom as she disappeared into her room. "Do you hear me? No. It's bad for your blood pressure. I won't take you."

**

Miranda's car pulled up to the bus stop. "So, this is it?" She put the car in park and got out to look around. Her hermes scarf billowing in the end-of-spring breeze. 

Lucas sighed defeatedly, "yeah, this is where I saw them." 

"Can you transport yourself to my mother?" Miranda asked, "right, I forgot, ghosts can't call themselves to other ghosts." 

"You got it. My theory is that everything radiates energy and ghosts don't have enough energy for the energy 'locator'." 

Miranda adjusted the bluetooth in her ear, "that doesn't make sense though. Ghosts are pure energy, aren't they? They have no corporeal presence so what else could it be but energy? Or maybe I don't see ghosts at all and I'm schizophrenic just like A Beautiful Mind."

"You're not schizophrenic." 

"Thank you for your heartwarming assurances."

"No, I don't think that ghosts are energy, I think we're another element entirely. I think if we were energy then it would feel hot when someone stumbles through us." 

Miranda nodded, "alright, that makes sense. I can buy that." 

"I think that since being alive is the opposite of being dead, if organic, living people are made of matter then ghosts must be anti-matter. I've been giving this a lot of thought, I'm really glad you asked about it." 

"I didn't really ask you for a dissertation." Miranda mumbled. "What's your theory on why I can see you, if you're anti-matter?"

"You know, speaking of that, I think it would be really cool to see an image of your brain processes in an fMRI. I imagine that you have an entirely unique brain chemistry. I could be the first person to write a paper post-humously, this could change the way people think about life and death, this could be earth shattering." 

Miranda snorted, "how do you plan on writing this paper? You can't type." 

"You could type it for me." 

Miranda laughed, "I have better things to do than perform experiments on myself and then write about it." 

"Like what?" Lucas asked flatly.

Miranda pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at him. "Can we focus on the matter at hand? How do I find my mother?"

Lucas shrugged, "I think the obvious answer is to find your sister and wait until your mother shows up." 

"I don't think I can deal with both my mother and my sister..." Miranda bit her lip, weighing her options. She pulled her blackberry out, "I'm going to call Andrea and take her out to lunch and this is going to be a lot easier without _you_."

"Alright. I can take a hint." 

"No, you can't. That's why I'm _telling_ you to give me a couple of hours and we can reconvene to find my estranged family."

"Why do you need me?" 

"Moral support, okay?" Miranda admitted. "So, can I expect you around two?" 

Lucas nodded, "of course." He smiled, "you go make nice with your lady and I'll see you in two hours." 

**

Andy had accepted Miranda's lunch invitation curtly and as Miranda sat in the swanky Manhattan restaurant, she wondered if Andy would even show up. 

She did finally show up half an hour late. "Sorry, there was an emergency just as I was out the door, I would have called you to let you know but I'm still mad at you so I didn't." 

"Fair enough, that's your prerogative." 

"Did you order yet?" Andy asked, picking up a menu. 

"No, I was waiting for you." Miranda watched Andy peruse the menu for a few moments. "Andrea, I'd like to talk about this morning." 

Andy snorted from behind the menu and said nothing.

Miranda reached forward and gently pushed the menu to the table. "Andrea, come on." 

"Sweetheart, I agreed to eat lunch with you, I didn't sign on for talking." 

Miranda couldn't help but smile, "Andrea, you're being silly." 

"I'm not doing things your way so I'm being silly?"

" _Now_ you're just being argumentative." Miranda smirked. "Sweetheart, of course I value your feelings, your feelings and the girls' feelings are the most important things to me. I love you with my whole heart." 

"I love you too, Miranda." Andy said softly. 

Miranda reached across the table and took her wife's hands, "and I'll set stricter boundaries with Lucas, we will spend more time together _just_ us. I'll do whatever you want." 

"I already told you, I want you to cross Lucas over."

Miranda scoffed, "only he can decide when he crosses over. I have no control over that." 

"If you choose to believe that then I think I'm sleeping in the guestroom tonight." Andy flagged the waiter instead of letting Miranda rebut. "Could I get an iced tea and a caesar salad? Thank you."

"And for you, ma'am?" The waiter turned to Miranda. Miranda scowled and waved him off.

"I can't force Lucas to do anything. He wants to stick around for his children, I recognize that you can't understand that feeling because you're not a parent." 

Andy rolled her eyes, shaking her head, "no, he's sticking around for _you_ , his unfinished business is _you_. I don't know how stupid you have to be not to see that!"


	3. Chapter 3

Andy rolled her eyes, shaking her head, "no, he's sticking around for _you_ , his unfinished business is _you_. I don't know how stupid you have to be not to see that!" 

Miranda stared at Andrea with incredulity. "That is probably the single most offensive thing you have ever said to me. I'm not going to hold it against you because you're obviously upset, but don't ever say that to me again." 

The waiter walked over and set Andy's iced tea in front of her. He turned to Miranda, "are you ready to order?"

Miranda cast the waiter her most acidic, blood-curdling glare possible. He turned on his heel and hurried away, if the boy spoke to her again then it would be clear that he had a death wish. 

"Why do you have to torture the wait staff?" Andy sighed. "The man is just doing his job." 

"I would ask you to attack only one part of my character at a time, thank you." Miranda pursed her lips, "Lucas is not here for _me_ , he is here for _his daughters_ , and the fact that you think otherwise speaks volumes about how little you understand how bonded a good parent is with their child." 

"'I wouldn't understand' is not an appropriate defense." Andy growled, "the last time I accepted that as an explanation was when I was five and I walked in on my parents." 

"The thing about this whole argument that _really_ bothers me, Andrea, is that when we started going out you said that you didn't want me to stifle any part of who I am. You were the first person who really seemed to want me for me regardless of anything in my past or my particular 'set of skills'. It bothers me that you're asking me to change." 

"Of course I don't want you not to be yourself, Miranda. If it wasn't for your 'set of skills' we wouldn't have been reunited. It is a big part of who you are and I'm not asking you to stop or ignore it or anything like that. I just want Lucas gone. I want you to meet me halfway."

"I enjoy spending time with Lucas, he's my friend. He's probably the only friend I really have, present company excluded. You're at work for eight or nine or ten hours a day, do you expect me to just sit at home and _pine_ for you?" 

"I want you to have a friend, Miranda, I do, don't get me wrong. I would prefer it if you had a friend who wasn't in love with you." 

Miranda scoffed, "he is _not_ in love with me. You're being absurd. You can't even see or hear him, how do you know what he thinks or feels?" 

"I cite for you one thing, Miranda: he spends all of his time with _you_. Not with the girls, with _you_." 

Miranda rolled her eyes annoyedly, "I'm the only living person who can see or hear him, of course he spends time with me. I'm his connection to the girls, he can't communicate with them without me." 

"It took my mother five days to say everything she needed to say before she crossed over. Why has it taken Lucas almost a year?"

"Your mother was _ready_ to cross over." Miranda said calmly. 

"I am sick and tired of your calm rationalizations. Why can't you have an argument like a normal person and get upset?" Andy demanded.

"If you don't think this is me being upset then you _are_ sleeping in the guestroom tonight." Miranda pursed her lips. 

"No, this is reserved. You're holding back from me." Andy shook her head, "yell once in a while, for christ's sake."

**

_London, England, 1965_

_Miriam sat on the floor next to the shattered remains of her mother's favorite vase. Both the girl and the vase remained where they'd fallen. The vase was a completely lost cause, obliterated beyond recognition, while the girl had fared much better, having suffered only a few cuts on her left leg from how she'd fallen._

_As she sat there with tears streaming down her face she wished that it had been she and not the vase that had shattered. Perhaps if she had been blown to a thousand tiny pieces she would not have to hear her mother yelling at her._

_"Du bist ein schreckliches Kind, Miriam, schrecklich. Ich wünschte, ich hätte dich nie zur Welt gebracht. Du machst alles kaputt."_

_"Es tut mir leid, mama."_

_Being a first generation Londoner, Miriam's first language was English and she could only understand smatterings of her mother's tirade. She tended to scream in German when she screamed. She seemed to be screaming increasingly often._

_Schreckliches, rotten. Du machst alles kaputt, you ruin everything. Ich wünschte, ich hätte dich nie zur Welt gebracht, I wish that I never had you._

_Miriam wished that a lot too._

**

Miranda pursed her lips as she watched Andy. "Yelling does no one any good. Yelling is uncivilized and makes a fool at out of otherwise intelligent individuals and I myself will not stoop to that. If one cannot voice their opinion in a clear and concise manner then one should keep their mouth _shut_." 

Andy stood up throwing her napkin to the table. "If you're going to be confrontational I'm going to go back to work." She ran into the waiter on her way to the door. "Could you pack that up for me? She'll settle the bill." Andy hooked a finger at Miranda. 

Miranda sighed heavily and pulled out her Visa, holding it up for the scared waiter. He handed the salad off to a busboy, asking him to box it and give it to Andy. He walked up to Miranda and reached out for the card, she pulled it back. He stood frozen, his hand still paralyzed reaching. 

"And get me a tall, _hot_ latte to go." She whispered before slipping the card into his outstretched fingers. 

"Yes, ma'am." He said sheepishly, hurrying away from the table. 

Miranda sat back in the seat watching Andy accept the take-out container and exiting the restaurant without so much as a backwards glance. Miranda was mulling over what had been said, but decided that she didn't believe it. Granted, she would admit that Lucas was often flirty. He'd always been a flirty person, always very direct, Miranda had admired it about him. For heaven's sake, the man was even still flirty with people who couldn't hear him. And yes, Miranda knew that he cared about her. She was the mother of his children, they were married for five years, their divorce had been mostly amicable. Miranda would even admit that she cared a great deal about Lucas, but neither of them was in love with the other. 

That frustrated Miranda to no end, that Andy honestly couldn't see the difference between how Miranda talked to her and how she talked to Lucas. 

When she thought about it, Miranda could even admit that maybe they were holding on to each other a little bit. It would be hard for Miranda to start off with a new friend, it would almost be like dating again. She would have to pretend that she wasn't selfish and cold in order to form an initial bond. She already had a friend in Lucas, he already had a friend in her. He was no threat her marriage -- unless, of course, Andy continued to _think_ that he was, that was a surefire way to turn a negative into a positive. 

What worried Miranda, then, was if there was a way to convince Andy that Lucas wasn't a threat without actually sending him away. She certainly wasn't going to lie to her, she'd ruined more relationships than she wanted to admit by lying and she wasn't going to risk it with Andy. 

On top of allaying her aggravated Andy, Miranda was now faced with accosting her deceased mother, running the risk of dredging up all of the old pain. Was it actually worth the old heartache to throw it in her mother's face that she became successful, feared, admired, _worshipped_ and -- the icing on the cake -- a _good_ mother? 

Impossible to tell at the beginning of the road if it would be worth it in the end. She regretted not going to her mother's funeral and she would regret not talking to her now. The decision was practically made for her already. 

The boy returned with the coffee and folder with her receipt and credit card. Miranda plucked each item out of his hands individually, staring him down. She sipped the coffee as she slowly signed her name at the bottom. She discreetly gave him a $10 tip for letting her take out her frustrations on him.

**

Nestled in her most comfortable chair she scrolled through the yellow pages to locate Joanne Princhek. It was proving more difficult than she'd originally expected. Perhaps she'd gotten married. Miranda didn't like to think so. 

Miranda decided that a genealogy website might be more help when Lucas appeared in front of her. 

"How was lunch?"

Miranda scowled, "I don't want to talk about it..." 

"That good, huh?" He moved to stand behind her and look at her screen. "Genealogy? Don't you know your own sister's name?" 

"I haven't seen her since I was sixteen. She's probably married by now." 

"Hopefully unhappily." Lucas teased. 

"I'd settle for divorced." Miranda snorted a small laugh.

"Or widowed, is widowed too much to hope for?" Lucas grinned. 

"We should be so lucky." Miranda bit her lip as she read through the genealogy page, "Joanne Princhek... daughter of Alda and Elijah Princhek... married to James Merryweather in 1973."

"Oh, he sounds like a douchebag." Lucas scowled. 

Miranda ignored him in favor of reading on. "Divorced in 1979."

"She beat you by a year. Your longest marriage was only five years, right?" 

" _Wrong_." Miranda scowled, "my longest marriage is the one I'm in right now and it is going to be good and last me until I die." 

"Yeah, but you've only actually been married for a year, you can't just count it as infinity because you think it'll never end." 

"Why do you have to spoil everything?" Miranda cast him a piercing glare. He shrugged. She looked back to the records, "married again in 1982 to Hans Kessler." 

"He sounds like a nazi." 

"Would you be quiet? You make it difficult to read." Miranda adjusted her glasses and read on. "They immigrated to the United States in 1983. He changed his name to Henry. They have four children. He died in 2008, survived by his wife Joanne Kessler." 

"Maybe her husband was a crossdresser and he was the woman that was talking to your mother!" Lucas exclaimed excitedly. 

Miranda sighed, ignoring him. "Joanne Kessler." She said as she typed it into the yellow pages search engine. "1403 New York Ave, Brooklyn." 

"That's basically where we were." Lucas pointed out, "we were only two blocks away from her apartment when we were at the bus stop. Google her, see if it says what she does for a living." 

"She's a teacher."

"Let me guess... she's an elementary school teacher." 

"No. She's a high school German teacher." Miranda closed the macbook.

"I'm telling you! She's a nazi!" Lucas laughed. 

"Mom?" Cassidy called from the foyer. 

Miranda pushed herself up out of the chair, setting the macbook on the table and entering the entryway. "Yes, bobbsey?"

Cassidy was grinning from ear to ear. "My biology test was ridiculously easy and I finished my English essay which isn't even due until next week. Let's celebrate and go get lunch. Have you eaten yet?" 

"No, I haven't," Miranda smiled, pulling Cassidy into her arms, "I'm so proud of you, darling."

"Tell her I'm proud of her, too, and yes you did eat lunch." 

"Your father is also proud of you." Miranda kissed her forehead. "And I did _not_ eat lunch. I sat there while Andrea insulted me and then paid for _her_ lunch." 

"Why was Andy insulting you?" Cassidy furrowed her brow. 

"You and your father are painfully curious." Miranda smirked, "and I don't want to talk about it." 

"Tight lips sink ships, mom." Cassidy insisted.

Miranda laughed, " _loose lips_ sink ships, dear, maybe you should revisit your English paper." 

"Whatever," Cassidy laughed, rolling her eyes. "But legit, mom, you should be open about stuff, you should tell me what you and Andy are fighting about. Maybe I can help!" 

"Your concern is very sweet. However, I will remain silent." 

"So why do loose lips sink ships?" Cassidy asked, pausing at the bottom of the steps. 

"It was a slogan from World War Two. If someone had loose lips and talked to a lot of people, they could give away valuable national secrets which could lead to the bombing of their ships. Therefore loose lips sink ships." 

"Oh." Cassidy took this information in for a moment. "That makes sense I guess. Personally, I was thinking that tight lips would be heavier, because they're more concentrated mass, you know? Like guilt and secrets compacts until it's so heavy that it can't be carried in a cargo hold and so the ship sinks... you know?"

Miranda nodded curtly, "oh, I know, darling." 

**

"You're such a good mother, Miranda." Lucas said after Miranda had dropped Cassidy off at the house and started back toward Brooklyn. Miranda waved him off as she drove, wanting silence in which to process all the information she'd taken in before Cassidy had come home. 

**

_London, England, 1965_

_Miriam sat on the floor amidst the glass shards for a very long time after her mother walked away, afraid that any movement would draw her attention back. She bit her lip to stop herself from bursting into fresh tears._

_"Miri!" Joanne gasped as she came down the stairs. She rushed to her little sister, offering her hand. "Here and be careful."_

_Miriam looked at Joanne's outstretched hand and down at the glass, her bottom lip quivering. But she did take the offered hand. Joanne helped her step around the glass._

_"Are you hurt?" Joanne looked Miriam over with concern. She was only four years older but some days it felt like generations separated the two sisters. "We'll clean up your leg and put some Mercurochrome on it."_

_**_

_Miriam sat on the lid of the toilet in the upstairs bathroom as Joanne tended to the cuts. Miraculously there were only three and once the blood was washed away it seemed far less grave than Miriam had thought originally._

_Joanne was silent as she concenrated on dabbing the Mercurochrome soaked cotton ball on each cut. Miriam remained quiet, still fearful of alerting her mother._

_"And for the cherry on top..." Joanne smiled as she put a bandaid on the last cut. "You're all set!"_

_Miriam smiled reservedly, "thanks."_

_"Bitte, Miri. It was touch and go there for a few minutes but I think you'll live." She grinned as she reached forward and tickled her sister. Miriam giggled and squirmed, laughing and enjoying her sister's affection.._

**

Miranda parked the Porsche in a parking garage and walked to the address, she needed the fresh, calming, rationalizing air. Lucas walked a step behind her, letting her have her silence. Miranda could feel her heart start to pound in her chest, her anxiety mounting. 

She was moved up the stairs and down the hall of the apartment building by an unknown force. She found herself staring down the apartment door, suddenly breathless. 

"I don't know if I can do this." She whispered. 

For the second time in one day, Lucas wished that he could put a reassuring hand on Miranda's shoulder. "You've come this far..." 

Miranda raised her fist to knock on the door when she heard paper bags and keys rustling. She turned to the source of the sound and locked eyes with Joanne. 

The two women stared at each other in shock for a minute or two before Joanne let out a breath of surprise. "Miriam... I mean, _Miranda_. I... Really?" 

"I was in the neighborhood." Miranda replied weakly.


	4. Chapter 4

"Please," Joanne hurried forward, unlocking the door, afraid that the vision of Miranda would disappear as mysteriously as it had appeared. "Come in, make yourself comfortable. I just have to put this stuff away real quick." The door swung open.

Miranda stared at the open doorway with suspicion. Lucas nodded towards it. Miranda spared a glance at Joanne before stepping into the apartment. Joanne shut the door behind them. "You can sit in here," she gestured to the living room, "or you could come into the kitchen. I could make coffee." 

Miranda was powerless to do anything but follow Joanne into the kitchen. The apartment was a safe thing to fix on, so as she sat at the darkly finished wood table she analysed every visible inch of the apartment. Beautiful blue tilework as a splashboard, granite countertops, lustrous cherry hardwood floors. Not half bad for Brooklyn. 

She thought next of Joanne's smooth, linguistically fascinating voice. It was an amalgamation of the English accent that Miranda remembered, mixed with an obvious German influence that was probably from being married to a German man and speaking German to high schoolers and a dab of New Yorker.

"Coffee?" 

Miranda nodded.

"I make half-caf, is that all right?" Joanne asked holding the cannister up, poised in front of the Mr. Coffee.

Miranda nodded. 

"You two look so much alike!" Lucas exclaimed as he got his face close to Joanne's. "I couldn't tell when she was reading the magazine, she had her head down. Wow, that really is a family nose, isn't it? Too bad the twins didn't get it, I've always liked it." 

Miranda put a finger in front of her lips and mouthed ' _shut up, please_ ' to Lucas before Joanne turned back around. Lucas held up his hands defensively, "okay, okay, I get it. _Silent_ moral support..."

"So, you were in the neighborhood," Joanne said as she sat down, knowing that it was neither a neighborhood that Miranda was likely to be in by chance, nor an address she would know without doing a little digging.

Miranda put a hand up, "I don't think I'm ready to talk yet." 

"Take your time." Joanne wanted to hug Miranda with every fibre of her being, she wanted to cry and tell her how happy she was to see her again after so many years and she wanted desperately to believe that Miranda had forgiven her. 

Miranda's subconscious was flooded with thoughts and memories that she could scarcely concentrate on any one thing. So she chose to concentrate on nothing. Joanne and Lucas watched her intently as she meditated on nothingness. 

The beeping of the coffee pot tore Joanne's attention away from Miranda, and Miranda's attention from nothingness as she realized that the tangy, acidic aroma of coffee had permeated the kitchen. Joanne took two mugs down from the cupboard. "How do you-?"

"Black."

Joanne poured the coffee and handed it to Miranda. Miranda watched her over the rim of the mug as Joanne added two sugar cubes and at least a quarter of a cup of cream into her coffee. 

"I've tried to drink it black. I'm out of the apartment a lot and sometimes the cream goes bad before I can use it. I wish I could drink coffee black."

"I didn't come here for idle conversation." Miranda rolled her eyes. 

Joanne shrugged, "why _did_ you come?" She asked gently. 

Miranda sighed heavily. "I don't honestly know." She stood. "I can't do this today." Miranda sipped the coffee once and set the mug down on the table. 

Joanne rose from the table as well. "Will you come back tomorrow? My school has a half-day and I'd really like to see you again. As soon as possible." 

Miranda pursed her lips considering the proposition. 

"Or I could meet you somewhere for lunch." Joanne bit the inside of her lip. "You don't have to decide now. Let me give you my number." 

She scribbled the number down, signing her name above it. She held it out to Miranda, "you can call me anytime." 

Miranda accepted the piece of paper with a curt nod. "I'll show myself out." Joanne let her leave.

Once outside on the sidewalk Lucas spoke up. "That's it?" 

"That was really hard." Miranda snapped. "Don't give me any grief right now." Miranda shoved the number into her jacket pocket. 

"Miranda, I think you should take a nice calming walk because you're really upset right now. Okay?" Lucas followed her, "and you don't get this upset that often so... you know... you should take a break. You make impetuous decisions when you're upset." 

Miranda ignored him as she got into her Porsche. " _Recipe_ for disaster..." Lucas warned.

"Please, do continue to blather on," Miranda pressed down on the clutch pedal and turned the engine on, "you know it does calm me so." 

Lucas sighed, "Miranda, I'm being serious." 

"So am I Lucas, _be... quiet._ " Miranda snarled, backing out of the space just another vehicle was driving by, colliding with its front bumper. 

Lucas looked over at Miranda, the 'I told you so' practically written all over his face. She opened her mouth to tell him to make himself scarce when he beat her to the punch and disappeared. She cut the engine and got out to inspect the damage. 

The other vehicle turned out to be a big blue Ford Super Duty which sustained exaclty zero damage but managed to separate Miranda's poor little Porsche from its back bumper. Miranda was so angry she couldn't speak, she started to pace. The man driving the truck was torn between admiring the Porsche, being apologetic and being afraid of Miranda. 

"You have got to be kidding me." Miranda muttered as her lips set in a poisonous sneer until she actually sounded like she was growling. 

"I... I'm really sorry..." the other driver sputtered out a few apologies. "Please, let me pay for the damage." He pulled out a piece of paper and started to write his information down.

Miranda snatched it away from him in annoyance, "stop that. We both know this was my fault. Get back in your truck and get out of my way." 

**

Andy was letting herself into the townhouse when Miranda's cab pulled up to the curb. Miranda paid the driver and got out. Andy watched her confusion. "What happened to your car?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Miranda mumbled as she slipped into the townhouse. "I'm going to go soak in a hot bath for the rest of the week..." 

"Miranda, hold on," Andy dropped her keys into the key bowl and hurried after Miranda. "Are you okay? Were you in an accident?" 

Miranda pursed her lips, stopping at the bathroom door. "You're talking to me again, are you?" 

Andy smiled despite herself. "Being upset with you does not negate how much I love you. It doesn't even stifle it a little. Come on, are you alright?" 

Miranda nodded, "yeah... _physically_." She admitted, "I was pulling out of a parking spot and I wasn't paying enough attention and I got rear-ended. Carerra's getting her back bumper reattached."

Andy wrapped her arms around Miranda. "I'm sorry that your car isn't feeling very well." Andy nudged Miranda's nose with her own, "I'm sorry I didn't really let you talk at lunch today. Sometimes I feel like you talk down to me when we're having an argument." 

"I talk down to everyone when I think I'm right." Miranda shrugged noncomittally. 

Andy laughed and smiled, "it's true. But I know that you were being sincere and I... I don't know, it just bothers me that you seem to always be so rational all the time. I feel like when I'm upset I just want to cry and scream and when you're upset you just purse your lips and speak in a very level voice. I was trying to provoke you." 

"I noticed." 

"I would like to try the discussion again your way. I've had all afternoon to think about it and I think I'm ready to have a calm, rational discussion. Would you give me a second chance?" 

Miranda nodded, a smily tugging at the corners of her lips persistently. She leaned down and kissed Andy softly, slipping a hand into her hair and deepening the kiss. When they broke apart, Miranda spoke in a whisper, "how about we preface the peace talks with a bath?"


	5. Chapter 5

Miranda and Andy had had a long, calm discussion that culminated in the two women agreeing to disagree on the subject of Lucas's motives and they both agreed that they trusted each other. Miranda lay on her side with her arms around Andy, but the brunette was sound asleep and Miranda was not. 

She was wide awake with thoughts, feelings and, above all, anxiety. Carefully, she extracted herself and padded down the hallway to her study. Being clean and neat, it looked empty and felt oppressive when it was devoid of her Runway things and without pictures and papers spread out over every surface. She sat down at her desk and pulled out her blackberry and the piece of paper with Joanne's phone number. 

**

_London, England 1965_

_Miriam sat crosslegged on her bed looking over at her sister who lay in her own bed reading. "I wish Papa was around more often." She said quietly._

_Joanne closed the book and set it on the floor. Joanne missed him, too, but she felt as though she should pretend not to care that he was gone for months at a time for her younger sister's sake. "It's his business, you know. I'm sure he doesn't want to be gone so much. He just has to."_

_Miriam hugged a pillow against her body, "other people's fatherss don't have to travel for work. Some other people's fathers work in London."_

_"It's hard for immigrants, Miri," Joanne was sympathetic, of course. "Papa can't get enough work around here because of prejudices against foreigners."_

_"Why do we live here? Why don't we live somewhere where he can get enough work?"_

_"It's not that simple."_

_"Sure it is."_

_Joanne smiled, "I'm not going to argue with you."_

_There was silence in the small bedroom. "Maybe Mama wouldn't be so mean to me if Papa was around all the time..."_

_Joanne looked over at Miriam sadly, "come here," she pulled back the sheet, "come snuggle with me."_

_Miriam climbed into the small bed, curling up against her sister's warm body. Joanne wrapped her arms around Miriam and held her tight. "Mama loves you, Miriam," Joanne whispered, "she's just afraid that she doesn't have enough money to replace the vase."_

_"It was just an accident." Miriam's bottom lip quivered, a few tears streamed down her cheeks, "she doesn't even keep flowers in it."_

_Joanne tucked a lock of Miriam's hair behind her ear and gently wiped away the tears on her cheeks. "Mama... she worries a lot and it makes her upset. You need to remember that it isn't your fault, liepchen. Okay? You're a good girl, Miri."_

_"Can I sleep with you tonight?"_

**

"Hello?" 

Both sisters held their breath for an undetermined amount of time. Miranda finally spoke, "I know it's late..." 

"No, no. I've been up grading, don't worry." 

"I have to go back to Brooklyn tomorrow. I was thinking we could meet somewhere for coffee." 

"I'd like that." Joanne said softly, sounding more relieved than anything else. "Did you have some place in mind?"

The women made their plans and hung up. Miranda didn't feel any less anxious or more at ease with any of the current circumstances so she walked downstairs to give warm milk a try. 

**

Andy found Miranda curled up on the settee in the sitting room when she came down the next morning. She kissed her forehead and Miranda's eyes fluttered open. "Hey," Andy whispered, stroking Miranda's cheek. "What are you sleeping on the couch for?" 

Miranda pushed herself into a sitting position. "I couldn't sleep so I came down... I guess I fell asleep."

"I guess you did." Andy scooted next to Miranda, she took her hand. "Is there something going on with you? Something that you're not telling me?" 

"Yes." Miranda admitted, "and it's not necessarily that it's going on right now, more that it went on when I was young in England and now it's rearing its ugly head." 

Andy raised her eyebrows questioningly, "something scandalous?" 

"No more so than the ghost ability." Miranda laughed wryly. "No, it concerns my mother and my sister. I found my sister in Brooklyn... I guess, I'm hoping to take this opportunity to make my peace." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

Miranda bit her lip, "no, not yet, if that's okay."

Andy nodded, "Is there anything I can do?" 

Miranda shook her head and rubbed her eyes. "No." Miranda offered Andy a small smile, "just be my loving wife." 

Andy was poised to ask if Lucas was helping her, but she could honestly say that she didn't want to know the answer so she remained tightlipped. "Next time you can't sleep, how about you wake me and we can fight insomnia together?" 

Miranda smiled and stroked Andy's cheek. "It's a date." 

**

Somewhere around three and four hours later, Miranda looked at the time on her blackberry. Andy had left for work two and a half hours prior, Lucas hadn't shown up yet and Cassidy was still sound asleep. 

Miranda knocked on Cassidy's door before pushing it open. "Hey, Sleeping Beauty." 

"What do you want, Snow White?" Cassidy mumbled into her pillow.

Miranda laughed, "it's rapidly approaching noon. I want you to start your day before it's over." 

"I should never have decided to live at home." Cassidy griped playfully, she yawned and stretched. "I'm up." 

"Okay, there's fresh coffee in the kitchen and I need you to do me a favor."

"Ah-ha." Cassidy grinned, "there's a favor involved... what do I have as a bargaining chip?" 

Miranda smirked, "you're a riot, sweetpea." Miranda mussed up Cassidy's hair, "I need you to meet your sister at the airport. Her plane is supposed to come in at two, so if you got there right around that time, it would be good." 

"Totally, I can do that, mom. I thought you were getting her, did something come up?" 

"Something came off, actually, namely the back bumper of my car and I have to go pick up the car and I have a lunch meeting at 12:30." 

"While I am curious about how you broke your car... I'm way more curious about this lunch meeting! It wouldn't be Andy because Andy knows about Caroline's flight so she wouldn't have asked you to meet her today..." 

"Thank you for agreeing to the favor." Miranda kissed Cassidy's forehead. "Don't forget about the coffee." 

"No, no, hold up!" Cassidy jumped up from her bed, "who are you lunching with?" 

"Loose lips sink ships, my dear." 

**

Joanne was sitting in the coffee shop waiting for Miranda. It was 12:45 and she looked at her watch, roughly, every thirty seconds. 

Miranda rounded the corner toward the coffee shop when she looked in and saw Lucas sitting at the table with her. At least that explained where he'd been all evening and morning. Crafty bastard. Miranda's arrival was announced by the bell attached to the front door. Joanne looked up and smiled. 

"I was afraid you'd changed your mind," Joanne admitted. 

"I would have phoned. I'm not completely without class." Miranda pursed her lips as she sat down. 

"I didn't think you were..." Joanne bit her lip, off to a swimming start already. 

"One should always be fashionably late." Miranda smirked, her tone a little lighter. 

Joanne smiled, "then I guess I'm not chic at all. I've been here since quarter past." She confessed, "I was very excited about the idea of seeing you again." 

Lucas scoffed, "honey, she's been here since noon. And wait until I tell you what she spent all last night doing -- other than waiting up for your call!" 

Miranda ordered her usual coffee and sat down at the table with Joanne. "Alright. I called this meeting so I might as well talk." Miranda said. "I don't want to talk to about what happened." 

Joanne nodded slowly. "Alright."

"I suppose it's been long enough to let bygones be bygones." 

"You know I never intended for anything like that to happen, Miri, I had no idea." 

" _That_ is talking about it." Miranda scowled. 

"You said _you_ didn't want to talk about it. I think you'll find you didn't forbid me from talking about it." Joanne's lips quirked in a smirk. 

Miranda almost smiled. "I suppose you have a point." 

"Since you're not here to talk about what happened, what is it you'd like to talk about?"

Miranda took a deep breath, "mama, I guess..." She paused, "her health..." 

Joanne watched her curiously and then laughed nervously, "she's dead, Miri... I know you know that, I called and left a message with your assistant." 

"Of course I know that." Miranda smirked. "It's just, I had a stroke in February because of my atrociously high blood pressure." 

"Mama didn't take very good care of herself... She gave both of us a high risk of stroke, the key is really just taking care of yourself. I'm sure you know all of this... Miranda, don't take this the wrong way, but I spend seven hours a day, five days a week with teenagers: I have a very well honed bullshit detector." 

"Hoo! She's got your number, Miranda." Lucas laughed, "Jesus, I'm glad I've got ringside seats for this." 

Miranda barely contained her grimace but managed to force a chilly smile. 

"I used to run an entire magazine with thousands of employees." 

"Keep it in your pants, Miranda," Lucas goaded. "This isn't a pissing contest." Miranda felt herself developing a twitch as he spoke.

Joanne just smiled. "May I see a picture of my nieces?" 

Miranda pursed her lips and held onto her Blackberry tightly. She narrowed her eyes and watched Joanne curiously. 

"This is what I was trying to tell you, sort of," Lucas insisted, "she spent all last night looking through old photos of you two from your childhood. She waited up for you to call for hours." 

"I just feel like we've missed so much time." Joanne continued. "And I know that no one but me is to blame for not honoring your wishes." 

"I said I didn't want to talk about it." Miranda snapped. 

"Well, I do and you can't actually stop me." Joanne challenged. 

"I don't have to listen." Miranda whispered. 

"No, you don't." Joanne reached across the table and put her hands over Miranda's. Miranda tensed but didn't pull away. "But I think that you wouldn't be here right now if part of you didn't want to hear me out." 

"I know where you stand. You thought you were doing what was best for me and it isn't your fault. Am I correct?"

"Half. I _did_ think I was doing what was right for you and I know that I was wrong. I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart." 

Miranda remained silent. It was painfully clear that the wound hadn't healed over as much as she'd hoped. She was still carrying around forty-year-old baggage. Miranda licked her lips slowly and diverted her eyes for a moment. 

Joanne squeezed Miranda's hands, "I never stopped loving you, Miri, _never_."

"I was only 16. I was only a child!" Miranda pulled her hands away suddenly, "I was alone and I had _nothing_." 

"I know that a simple apology doesn't really cut it-"

"Oh stop," Miranda rolled her eyes, "it wasn't you, it was never you. It was her decision, it was all mama. I didn't think she was stupid, of course she would have found out sooner or later... I just... I don't know what I'd been waiting for." 

"It still should have been your decision to tell her." 

Miranda nodded, wiping at her eyes, "yes, it should have. But you always protected me and looked after me. I know from experience that it's hard to suppress that instinct. When you just want to keep everyone you love safe from harm. If I'm really honest with myself, I have to say that I understand." 

Miranda took a deep breath and whispered, "it's just been easier to be mad at you than to miss you." 

Joanne picked up a napkin and dabbed at her teary eyes. 

"Oh hell, Miranda, if I could still cry I'd be right there with you guys." Lucas frowned. 

Miranda attempted to pull herself together, suddenly Alda Princhek appeared next to Joanne. To say that Alda was shocked to see her youngest daughter would be a gross understatement. The two stared at each other in shock for a few minutes, Lucas looking back and forth between them apprehensively and Joanne watching Miranda with confusion. 

"Nicht möglich!" Alda finally uttered before starting to disappear. 

Miranda stood straight up from the table, "no, wait!" But Alda was already gone. Miranda looked over to Lucas, "could you... do something?"

"I can try, maybe I can follow her since she was so close," Lucas nodded before disappearing. 

"Miri, what are you doing?" Joanne furrowed her brow, starting to wonder just how much damage the stroke had done to her brain. 

"What does nicht möglich mean?" 

Joanne furrowed her brow even deeper, "it means 'not possible,' which is how I'm starting to feel about this conversation too. What's going on?"


	6. Chapter 6

Miranda and Joanne walked out to Miranda's car, she promised Joanne an explanation once they were in the privacy of Joanne's home instead of continuing to shout in a coffee shop. 

_London, England 1969_

_Alda opened the front door and saw the policeman standing on the other side. "Can I help?"_

_The policeman smiled, "I think I can help actually. We found her."_

_"You... found her?" Alda was stunned, "but... you said..."_

_"Well ma'am, I'm happy to report that I was wrong." The police officer smiled, Miriam stood behind him wearily, "we had a paramedic look her over and she seems to be fine so I figured she should come home tonight and be with her family. You might want to get her to a hospital tomorrow just to check up on everything."_

_Miriam walked around the policeman and looked at her mother nervously before walking into the house._

_"She doesn't seem to remember anything, don't try to push her. It's pretty typical for children who've had traumatic experiences to repress them. Are there any other questions I can answer for you before I go?"_

_Alda shook her head, "no... thank you. Thank you for bringing her home."_

_"Alda? Was machst du?" Elijah asked tiredly from the stairs._

_"Papa!" Miriam cried, her eyes lighting up._

_Elijah stared at the girl, tears in his eyes, "Miriam? Liepchen..." He moved to her and scooped her up in his arms, holding her tightly, "I can't believe I'm holding you... I have never been happier to see you! And that, mein Herz, is no small accomplishment. Mein gott, where have you been?"_

_Miriam shook her head against his neck, "I don't know, papa. I don't know." She started to cry._

_"You're safe now, liepchen. I've got you." He gave her a squeeze and whispered, "let's go give Joanne the good news."_

_Miriam picked her head up and looked at him with confusion. "What's the good news?"_

_He laughed a heartwarming laugh, "_ you, _Liepchen. You've come home to us."_

_** A couple weeks later **_

_"Alda, do you hear yourself?" Elijah demanded, "she's our child."_

_"I think she knows where she went and I think she won't tell us. I think she ran away and then felt guilty about it and doesn't want to admit it."_

_"Why would she want to run away? Why would she want to lie about it? And what, vor Gotts Sake, happened to her hair? You heard the doctor, all the pigment's gone and he's never seen anything like it and can't explain how it happened. Are you saying did it for attention?"_

_"I don't know, Eli!" Alda snapped angrily, "I don't know, but something is wrong with that child!"_

_"No, Alda, there's something wrong with you. Why are you looking for a reason to demonize her?" Elijah waited to see if Alda would respond before saying, "I have to go back to work tomorrow. Promise me you'll be nice and you won't try push Miriam."_

**

"Do you remember when I disappeared and my hair turned white?" Miranda asked as soon as Joanne shut the door behind her. 

Joanne scoffed, "of course, I remember that. It was the most devastating thing that happened to us."

"My coming back?"

"Your _disappearing_." Joanne frowned. 

"It would have saved a lot of heartache if I'd just stayed gone. You can't deny that." 

"Oh, Miri, stop it." Joanne threw her purse into the closet. "What just happened? What happened between the coffee shop and here?"

"Mama." Miranda snapped, "Mama happened."

"What does that even mean?" Joanne scowled. 

"She was in the coffee shop, she got one glimpse of me and ran away again. She wouldn't even look at me." 

"You're talking nonsense. Just _stop_ it." Joanne demanded, "mama's been dead for eight years!" 

"Don't you remember that I used to talk to Oma? After I came back from being missing, I used to talk to Oma and she'd been dead for at least five years at that point."

"I..." Joanne shook her head, flustered, "of course, I remember that. I thought that it was just a defence mechanism because mama wasn't ever very nice to you..."

"I _told_ you that I could see her." Miranda said slowly. "You always said that you believed me."

"I didn't want to be another person who didn't believe in you, Miri, but I know what you told me but I know the difference between truth and fiction and I know the difference beteen sane and crazy." 

"If you've judged me crazy, clearly you don't have a handle on the difference." Miranda crossed her arms across her chest. 

"Why did you seek me out? Why now?" 

Miranda took a deep breath, "my deceased ex-husband told me that he saw mama and when I showed him a picture of you he told me that mama was attached to you. I wanted to give her a piece of my mind so... I found _you_ so that I could find _her_." 

"So you didn't look me up because you suddenly decided it'd been too long? You didn't really _want_ to see me at all..." 

"Not originally, no." Miranda smirked, "can you blame me?" 

"For not wanting to see me? No. But _using_ me? _Yes._ Yes, I can blame you." 

"Oh, climb down off the cross, Joanne. I'm being honest with you now, aren't I?" Miranda sighed. 

"I don't know. _Are_ you? You're asking me to believe an awful lot..." Joanne stopped pacing and watched Miranda for a few long moments. "Are you being honest with me?"

"I'm not accustomed to groveling. You either believe me or you don't." Miranda held onto her purse, "I don't even really care which one it is because I know what's the truth."

Miranda turned to leave, Joanne stepped forward to stop her. "No, hold on a tick." Miranda stopped but didn't turn around. 

"Say I believe you. What does that mean?" 

Miranda shrugged, turning around, "I don't know what you're asking me..." 

"For us? What does it mean for us? I guess, I'm asking, do you really forgive me? Did you mean it when you said you missed me?" 

Lucas popped in. "I lost her. I was on her track for a while but I lost her." He looked between Miranda and Joanne. "Oh, you're having a moment... I'll just wait in the other room until you're done..."

Miranda sighed, "I withheld a little information at the beginning, but everything I've said has been the truth." 

"Mama's attached to me?" 

Miranda nodded, "well, I haven't studied it extensively. But she died in London and she's been seen here in New York around you twice. I don't normally acknowledge the deceased so I'm not very good at this. Mama's only my second ghost technically."

Lucas came back in, "this is boring. Is the moment over? Can I just tell you what I did?"

"Joanne, I'd like to introduce you to my ex-husband, Lucas, he spent last night watching you." 

"What?" She furrowed her brow.

"Oh, hey, you're making it sound gross. I just looked at all the pictures and stuff." Lucas folded his arms across his chest, "I didn't watch her in the bathroom or anything."

Joanne held her shirt against her chest, "do ghosts just hang around all the time?"

"No, they don't really hang around with people they don't know. And a lot of ghosts just cross over right away. Oma told me that when I was young, she said that not everyone stays." 

"So, my husband Henry? He's not around?"

Miranda shook her head, "no." 

"So, Miranda, can I tell you what your mother did or not?" Lucas asked impatiently.

"Fine. Lucas, please," Miranda turned to him. Joanne turned in his general direction.

"Alright, so I figured that if I could sort of blend with her as she was disappearing, I could follow her because we would be all one mass. She was pretty surprised that I was following her and she was trying to lose me and she brought me all over the place _but_ more importantly she did end up in front of the townhouse. That's where she finally lost me because I had to stop to think about it."

"What was there to think about? You practically live there, it shouldn't be a surprising sight." Miranda smirked.

"Yeah, well, in order to end up there, she has to know _where_ it is, doesn't she?" Lucas grinned, "and the odds against ending up at an unrelated townhouse are astronomical. She must know you live there, right?" 

"I suppose." Miranda said softly. 

"Right. So, doesn't that sound like she's thought about trying to see you?" 

Miranda nodded slowly. 

"What is it that the two of you disagreed on so badly that you haven't spoken in over forty years?" Lucas asked. 

Miranda glared and Lucas was half expecting her lip to curl into a vicious snarl. "Never you mind about that." 

_London, England 1972_

_"Hey, Miri," Joanne knocked on the bathroom door. "Are you alright?" She yawned._

_"I'm fine," Miriam said, pausing to dry heave into the toilet again, "go back to bed, it's one in the morning."_

_"Come off it, luv." Joanne laughed a little, "you're not alright, let me help you." She opened the door._

_Miriam was sitting in front of the toilet bowl, "I don't need any help, Joanne, you should go back to bed."_

_Joanne ignored her and took a facecloth off the shelf, wet it in the sink and knelt behind Miriam, "are you feverish?" Her hand came around and pressed against Miriam's forehead, "you're not feverish. That's curious."_

_"The bedroom is that way, luv," Miriam pointed out the door. "Shall I draw you a map?"_

_"Why are you being so irritable? I'm only trying to help." Joanne frowned._

_"I don't mean to be irritable," Miriam apologized, "I just... y'know, I'm feeling sick and I'd just like to be alone. Just me and my offerings to the porcelain gods."_

_"Well, if your forehead doesn't need the washcloth, perhaps your stomach could use it," Joanne started to slip her fingers under the hem of Miriam's nightshirt to put the ice cold washcloth on it._

_"No!" Miriam lashed out, knocking Joanne back on her ass._

_Joanne laughed and decided to take it as a challenge, she grabbed Miriam by the shoulders, pulling her back into her lap and yanked the shirt up her stomach. Once the shirt was up, Miriam stopped fighting and Joanne froze._

_"Miri?" Joanne asked softly._

_"Hm?" Miriam bit her lip._

_Joanne reached forward and touched Miriam's protruding stomach gently. "Are you..."_

_"Yeah..." Miriam whispered._


	7. Chapter 7

_London, England 1972_

_Joanne paced the small bathroom as Miriam pulled her shirt back down and counted the floor tiles. "We have to tell mama."_

_"No!" Miriam's head snapped up at the mention of their mother. "No, fuck no."_

_"What are you? Like four or five months along? You think you can hide this until you have a baby? And what then Miriam? You're going to raise a child without mama noticing?"_

_"I'm going to give it up for adoption!" Miriam scowled, "and I'm not_ not _going to tell her, I just... I need time."_

New York City, NY, USA 2012

"I have to go home." Miranda announced, standing up from the couch. "One of my daughters came home from college today. I and my wife are taking both girls out to dinner for finishing their freshman year." 

"May I meet them? Not tonight, of course, I wouldn't dream of imposing. I'd love to meet them. My nieces and my sister-in-law." 

"I'm not ready to play happy family again just like that." 

"Hold on, let me give you something," Joanne went over to her desk and rooted around until she pulled out a worn photograph. 

Miranda craned her neck to see what Joanne had. Joanne held it out to her and Miranda took it gently out of her hands, "it's a picture of us."

Joanne nodded, "it's the last one that was taken of the two of us together." Joanne looked fondly down at the photograph. Joanne had her arms wrapped around Miranda, both sisters were smiling. "Haven't we wasted enough time?"

Miranda sighed, tearing her attention away from the picture, "haven't you noticed yet that I'm not that forgiving?" 

"I've noticed that you're still scared. Part of you is still scared that I could turn your life upside down again." 

"Stop trying to get into my head." Miranda scowled as she left the apartment. It seemed childish and cowardly to run from the apartment. She had always hated Joanne's ability to root around in Miranda's head and ask her all the questions that could hit her right where it hurt. 

Miranda walked down the street toward the recently repaired Porsche with her finger twirling absently around the strap of her Prada purse. 

Back at the townhouse, Miranda entered quietly and started up the stairs. The girls were talking in Caroline's bedroom. Miranda snuck up behind them and wrapped her arms around them, "my little monsters, together again." She smiled, kissing Caroline's temple and then Cassidy's. 

"Mom," Caroline turned and wrapped her arms around Miranda, hugging her tightly. "It's really good to see you again." 

Miranda held onto Caroline, "it's really good to see you again, too, Bob. All my favorite people under one roof again." 

"Are you counting me?" Lucas asked from the corner. 

Miranda straightened up, "I didn't see you there -- and, _no_." 

"Dad's here?" Caroline asked.

"Yeah, he's been skulking in the corner." Miranda smirked. "I hope you didn't say anything incriminating." 

"Nah, nothing too incriminating. Just telling Cass about my meth lab and the wild sex orgies in my dorm." 

"It's nice to know that some things never change, smart ass." Miranda looked at her watch, "okay, Andrea will be home soon and we're taking you out to dinner to celebrate the first quarter of your higher education." 

"Cool. Where?"

"I guess the two of you should decide that amongst yourselves since it's your party." Miranda smiled, "I'm going to go change." 

Lucas followed her out of the room. "For what it's worth, I think you should let Joanne meet the girls. If I was alive I would probably take them to see her behind your back."

"Then, for the first time, I'm genuinely glad you're dead." Miranda sighed, "but at least you're honest."

"There's no point in lying to you now." Lucas shrugged, "you're all I've really got."

"That's kind of sad, Lucas." 

"And it's always been true, you know? I didn't realize it when we were married but you are the most important thing to me apart from Caroline and Cassidy."

" _No_. Don't get sentimental." Miranda cut him off. Her phone rang, "saved by the bell. Hello, my darling Andrea." 

"Hey sweetie." Andy said, her voice sounding apologetic.

Miranda bit her lip, "are you going to be home soon? I don't think the twins have chosen a restaurant yet." 

"That's the thing, I'm not really finished here."

"We could pick you up." Miranda said, already knowing that the idea would be vetoed. 

"I'm sorry," Miranda could envision the expression on Andy's face: the slightly pouted lips, the wide eyes, all of her features screaming apology. "My editor stuck me with making sure everything's ready to print this evening. I have to move around all the advertising because the regular guy got fired." 

"That sounds tedious." 

"It's more responsibility... maybe he'll see what I can do and decide to promote me." There was a pause, "do you still love me?"

"Don't ask ridiculous questions." Miranda scolded playfully. "Everyone here still loves you. Don't worry about it, alright?" 

**

_London, England 1969_

_The two sisters sat on the cold tile floor in the top floor bathroom. Long silences stretched between short statements._

_"I love you." Joanne said._

_Miriam looked up and furrowed her brow, unsure what prompted the declaration. "I know."_

_"I don't want you to ever forget that, Miri." Joanne said seriously, "no matter what happens today, tomorrow or forever, I will always be here for you."_

_Miriam smiled a little. "Bitte."_

_There was another long silence. "So, who...?" The question was asked awkwardly._

_Miriam smiled at her sister's shyness. "With whom did I have sex?"_

_Joanne blushed and nodded._

_Miriam shrugged, "his name is Jesse. It was a friendly port in the storm sort of thing."_

_"How did you meet him?"_

_"He's one of my friends' brothers, he's going to university in America. I don't think it's the worst decision I've ever made." Miriam decided not to mention that he had had an emotionally abusive father and that she had the sincere feeling that helping him feel better would also fix something within herself._

_"You know, if you needed something you could have come to me." Joanne frowned._

_"I think that would actually violate an incest law. It would at least be very weird." Miriam teased._

_"I didn't mean that!" Joanne laughed. "I just meant... you know, maybe sex isn't the answer."_

_"I suppose I can see where you're coming from. On the other hand, why couldn't sex be the answer? What's so bad about sex? I mean, apart from the obvious," she motioned to her blossoming belly, "but if I had been safe, why not sex?"_

_"I don't know why you had to go out looking for trouble when you could have just talked to me."_

_"I wasn't looking for trouble and I_ do _talk to you." Miriam scowled, "but, I can't really expect you to fully understand: mama_ likes you _... how can you comiserate with me? Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade your support for anything, I love and appreciate you. Sometimes I need to feel like I'm not the only one going through something like this. Sometimes I need to talk to and be close to someone who lives this like I do."_

_Joanne was silent._

_"I didn't mean to offend you."_

_"You didn't offend me," Joanne said, tracing her finger through the tiles, she shrugged, "I guess when you first said it it felt a little bit like a slap in the face... but, you're right. I don't live your life, I don't feel the same things."_

_Miriam shrugged too. She pulled herself along the floor to sit next to her sister._

_"You're sure you don't want to keep it?"_

_"I'm sure." Miriam said without hesitation. "Mama already doesn't want_ me _around. She certainly wouldn't want me around with an infant."_

**

New York City, NY, 2012

After dinner Miranda settled in the sitting room with her macbook to await Andy's return. Miranda was drifting in and out of sleep when Andy found her. She rubbed her shoulder gently, "you look so peaceful." 

"Appearances can be decieving." Miranda smirked. 

"Don't I know it," Andy teased, straddling Miranda's hips. Miranda smiled and ran her hands over Andy's thighs. "I missed you tonight."

"We missed you, too." Miranda kissed Andy softly, "I knew what everyone in that restaurant was thinking: 'she's waiting for _her_ again.'" 

"I'm so sorry." Andy's eyes widened apologetically. 

Miranda laughed softly, "I'm teasing you. Don't you remember when you walked in on Stephen and me arguing?" 

"Oh, yeah. I guess I do," Andy grinned, "I was a little too stricken with terror to really think about what the actual _words_ were."

"I prefer you when you're not stricken with terror anyway." 

"Well, I'll let you know when it happens," Andy laughed, "half the time I'm still scared of you." 

"No, you're not." 

"No, I'm not." Andy shook her head, on the verge of laughing again, "at least not since I saw you leap onto the chaise to avoid a spider -- and that _scream_!" 

Miranda pursed her lips, "it was a very _big_ spider." 

Andy smiled and leaned in to eskimo kiss her wife. "Are you planning on being an insomniac tonight?" 

Miranda shrugged, "am I planning on it? No. Is it likely? Yes." Miranda gave Andy a gentle squeeze, "how were your tedious tasks?" 

"I don't even want to think about them..." Andy groaned, "unfortunately, I have to write up a progress report for my editor and I have to show up at an ungodly hour tomorrow to oversee the morning issue."

Miranda raised her eyebrows, "it sounds like you're being groomed for a promotion."

Andy bit her lip, "is it that too much to hope for? Am I going to get my hopes cruelly crushed if I hope for that?" 

Miranda grinned, "I think that you deserve it and if anyone doesn't see that then they're crazy." 

Andy's fingers toyed gently with the buttons on Miranda's blouse, "will you come to bed with me?" Her eyes twinkled mischievously.


	8. Chapter 8

Once again, Miranda found herself unable to fall asleep while her lover slept soundly next to her in the bed. Miranda was loath to wake the younger woman, desite her request to be awoken if Miranda was battling insomnia again. 

Miranda nuzzled Andy's neck, "sweetheart?" She whispered. 

"Mmmyeah?" She mumbled, not bothering to open her eyes. 

"I'm going to get up for a little bit, okay?" 

"Mmyeahkay," Andy nodded sleepily, pulling the covers more tightly around her and promptly falling back asleep. 

Miranda kissed Andy's temple softly, "sleep well, my darling." Miranda passed the girls' bedrooms on her way downstairs and resisted the temptation to peek in at them. 

**

An hour and a half later Miranda was sitting at her desk in front of her macbook. For the last hour of that time she'd been scrolling idly though google pages waiting for her mother to say something. She felt her presence as soon as she'd entered the room and now the deceased old woman stood behind Miranda's chair wordlessly. 

Alda sighed. Miranda rolled her eyes, breaking the silence, "I know you're there, mama." 

"And how long were just going to let me stand here?" Alda demanded with exasperation. 

"You're the one who came to me, why should I speak first?" Miranda spun around in her chair to face her mother; she crossed her arms across her chest. 

"I may be the guest here in your house, but don't treat me like I'm a dummkopf, you chased down Joanne so that you could find me. You found me, I'm here." Alda pursed her lips, "so _talk_." 

Miranda sighed heavily. "I guess I never really thought about what I'd say to you if I ever saw you face to face again. I'd always planned on not seeing you so it was a waste of time and resources to prepare a speech." 

"I can't even imagine what you'd have to prepare a speech over anyway." 

Miranda scoffed. "I'm not really sure I want to get into it with you right now. It's late and I'm tired. Actually, I'm not sure I really want to get into it at all." 

"Bloody waste of time. _As usual_ , Miriam." The purse in Alda's lips deepened in exasperation. 

" _Miranda_." Miranda snapped. 

"Excuse me?" 

"My name is Miranda. You renounced me as your daughter and I am under no obligation, nor do I have any good reason, to use the name you gave me." 

Alda laughed, "oh dear, you've gone into your rebellious phase a little late in life, haven't you? Though, at least your hair finally suits you!" She howled with laughter. 

Miranda scowled at her mother, unaccustomed to being laughed at. 

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, from that glare one would think you were the Queen of the bloody World. You ran a _fashion_ magazine, dear, you're not a vicious dictator, you're just a want-to-be bitch. You had people pissing themselves for thirty years for what? To put out a monthly rag to sell over-priced clothing to lazy rich women?" 

Until Alda had put it like that Miranda was unaware of how much of a compensation for her childhood her tyrannical reign over Runway was. For what? To regain her own collapsing sense of self-worth, to feel wanted, needed and important, because she wanted something to eat, sleep and breathe _for her_. She had vowed to always love, respect, encourage and care for her children without realizing that she'd been, at times, unnecessarily cruel to her employees. 

Alda chuckled, "aren't you going to say anything, Miriam?" 

Miranda shook her head, "no." She said calmly. 

"Still nothing to say to me. You're just going to sit there and take it, aren't you?" 

Miranda almost smiled, she shook her head again, "just pensive." 

Alda snorted. They watched each other silently for a few minutes. "Are you going to say anything that might make my visit even the slightest bit worth my while?" 

Miranda shrugged, "probably not." Miranda paused, "but... I do have a question." 

"Fine."

"What did I do to you that was so bad? Why did you love Joanne but not me?" 

Alda stopped to think about the question, "I don't know." She admitted, she shrugged, "something about you just always bothered me... and your father just _adored_ you, _that_ drove me crazy. Of course, it was your father who wanted to have you, I was done at one. I guess I just resented you for having been born." 

"Well, I suppose I'm glad it wasn't something I had the power to change." 

"Oh, don't act like a martyr." Alda rolled her eyes, "you've had a fine life. Throwing you out of the house was supposed to be a punishment, you weren't supposed to go out and make it onto the top twenty most powerful women in business list." 

"What would have made you happy? If I had ended up in a studio apartment, single, raising a screaming baby and working at a diner for £4 in tips?" 

"Frankly, yes. Is it so much to ask that you suffer a little? For once in your life?" 

"I suffered through my entire childhood." Miranda was wide-eyed with incredulity. 

"I clothed and fed you and bought you everything you asked me for. How did you _suffer_?" 

"I'm not playing this game with you." Miranda shook her head, "no, this always ends the same way. Every time I try to think or talk about my childhood, it always ends the same. I'm going to bed, mama, thanks for stopping by." 

"You went through all this trouble just to run away?" Alda demanded, "you're the expert on running away. You ran away when you were thirteen, you ran away when you were sixteen and you're _still_ running from me." 

Miranda shook her head, "there has to be a difference between running away from you and doing what's right for myself." 

"You only _ever_ think of yourself, Miriam." Alda scowled. 

Miranda pushed out of her chair and moved past Alda to leave the room. She took the flight of stairs to her bedroom two at a time. She closed the door behind her, leaning against it. She closed her eyes and felt a few tears slide down her cheeks. 

It was truly depressing how easy it was to tear her down but had taken so long to get all the way to the top. She pulled back the covers on her side of the bed, pressed her body against Andy's and buried her face in the soft brunette hair. 

When morning came Miranda was alone in the bed. She sighed and looked over at the clock; Andy shouldn't have left for work yet. 

Miranda pulled on a Chanel pencil skirt and a Donna Karan red bow blouse. Andy was still pouring her coffee in the kitchen when Miranda appeared in the doorway. Andy glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. 

"Good morning." Miranda said, stepping into the room. 

Andy shrugged. "I've had better."

"What's wrong?" Miranda frowned. 

"This morning I woke up and I could still see tear stains on your cheeks." Andy snapped.

Miranda watched her curiously, failing to see why Miranda's tears could incite Andy's anger. "I'm... sorry?" 

"You went to bed crying, Miranda! Why wouldn't you wake me for that?" Andy demanded, "why wouldn't you want to share that with me?"

"Why am I not allowed to deal with it on my own time? Why do I have to deal with my grief on _your_ schedule? A schedule which I'm not allowed to know in advance, just punished when I miss an appointment."

"Jesus, Miranda. The thing that bothers me is that you don't even understand why I'm upset!" 

"So, wouldn't we all be a whole lot happier if you explained it to me?" 

"You're shutting me out! You aren't talking to me or listening to me." Andy snarled, "you're going through this thing that's upsetting you and you won't let me in. You won 't let me help you!" 

"I told you that just being here for me is helpful."

"Why do you refuse to talk to me?" 

"Andrea, you're being completely unreasonable. I'm dealing with things right now that I've never been able to talk about out loud before." Miranda put her hands on her hips, "and frankly, I find it offensive that you're taking it so personally. It has nothing to do with you, it has nothing to do with our marriage. Our vows were to love, honor, and cherish, not share every painstaking detail of my rotten childhood. It's not like I'm running around telling everyone about it instead of you." 

"Just Lucas?"

" _No_." Miranda sneered, "he helped me find my sister, yes, but he doesn't know why we don't talk. He doesn't know why I haven't talked to my mother in forty years because _I haven't told anyone_." 

"I don't want to be grouped in the same group as all your ex-husbands." Andy frowned, "I want you to feel comfortable talking to me about how you feel." 

"I do feel comfortable talking to you about how I feel. How I feel is pressured, hostility and that you're not listening to what I'm telling you. I want you not to try to selfishly pressure me into talking about something that I don't want to talk about!" 

"What if you never want to talk about it?" 

"Then the secret dies with me, why is that a bad thing?" Miranda rolled her eyes, "it's not even something that has anything to do with you! It was another lifetime. I don't even consider myself the same person anymore." 

"I don't understand why you can't understand!" Andy shouted, "it starts with this and then you start keeping other things from me." 

"I'm not keeping anything from you that's happened since 1975." Miranda snapped, "you know what I _really_ don't understand? Why you want to be a source of anxiety right now instead of a source of comfort. I would _never_ push you like this if you had something you didn't want to talk about. In fact, I'm downright _angry_ at you right now. You're being completely unreasonable and unfair." 

After a short silence, Andy said, "sometimes I feel like I have to die to spend time with you." 

"Oy _vey_." Miranda groaned. 

Andy snatched up her coffee mug and turned on her heel to storm to the front door. Miranda followed after her only to see Alda standing in the foyer. "Andrea, for god's sake, stop for a minute." 

Miranda caught the door before Andy could slam it, she turned to face Miranda, "what about _my_ sake?" 

"Well, obviously I don't think you should _die_." 

"I'm already late." Andy was gone before Miranda had a chance to say anything more. Miranda was left holding the door, frustrated beyond compare and more than a little unhappy that Alda had come back--or, alternatively, had never left. 

Miranda closed the door and leaned against it, not turning to look at Alda. "What?" She sighed defeatedly, "what do you want now?" 

"Spitfire that one." Alda hooked her thumb toward the door that Andy had left through. "That your kid? The one I threw you out over?"

Miranda rolled her eyes, "no, Andrea's not my _child_."

"You argue like family." 

"She's my wife." 

Alda laughed, "you've gotta be shitting me... I knew you were married to a woman, but _mein gott_ , Miriam, the girl is young enough to be your daughter!" 

"I'm aware." Miranda snapped. 

Alda took a few moments to stop laughing. "So, what did happen to your little bastard?" 

"Mama, don't." 

"Come on, out with it." Alda insisted. 

"He _died_." Miranda snarled.


	9. Chapter 9

Alda disappeared after Miranda's admission. Miranda hoped that Alda was sorry for asking, hoping that some shred of her felt guilty for dredging up painful past if not for being one of the reasons that Miranda's child had died. Miranda groped the foyer for a chair, sinking into it slowly, feeling like she needed a few minutes to collect herself.

As she sat in the chair seething with more emotions than she could count on one hand, she realized how alone and useless and bored she felt. 

When she finally got up out of the chair she felt 200 years old, her muscles and bones ached from the movement and she made it slowly to the kitchen. She poured herself a cup of coffee, she'd have to reheat it, which she deplored, but she'd need caffeine to actually think about making more. 

She sat in the kitchen sipping the coffee and staring off into space. The silence was both welcome and crushing. It was only eight and it would surely be hours before the twins got up. 

Just as Miranda was starting to appreciate the silence Lucas appeared. "Oh good, you're still here." He looked around, "did I miss the crossword puzzle?" 

Miranda cast him a sidelong look. "I'm not doing the puzzle this morning." 

"Oh." There was silence again, "so, about last night... when I told you that I loved you..." 

"Lucas, I don't want to talk about it." 

"So, you don't have to talk. Just be quiet and listen." Lucas waited a moment and, miraculously, Miranda offered no objections. "I do love you. I wish that we'd been able to make it work when we were married. On the other hand, I think you and Andy are great and I'm really glad that you've found someone who could love you unconditionally." 

Miranda's bottom lip started to quiver and her eyes threatened to water. "Lucas, stop. Please, just stop." 

"What's wrong?" 

"Lucas, get away from me." Miranda snapped defensively, "you're always around trying to nose into everything. For heaven's sake, can't I just have one morning alone to brood? Is that so bloody much to ask?"

"You want me to go?"

" _Yes_ I want you to go! How can you ask me to clarify that? I said it in plain English. Hold on, perhaps I can say it more clearly: go away, Lucas, I don't care _where_ you go, I don't care _what_ you do and I don't care about _you_ anymore. So _go away._ " 

Lucas stared at her unabashedly for a few long moments, the sound of Miranda's quickened breath the only sound in the room before he disappeared. 

Miranda downed the rest of her coffee and went back to the foyer to grab her purse and keys. 

**

_London, England 1972_

_Alda was seated at the dining room table half-heartedly flipping through the pages of a magazine. Joanne hovered in the doorway, she felt nervous and uncertain._

_Alda looked up and smiled at her eldest daughter, "Jo-Jo, kommst du hier." She patted the table across from her. Joanne took the seat silently. "You look quite pensive, liepchen. Is there something on your mind?"_

_"If someone asks you to keep a secret but you think it'd be less harmful to the person who asked you to keep it if you told it... what should you do?"_

_"If this person really cared about you they wouldn't put you in that position."_

_"Well, I found out by accident. I wasn't really_ told _the secret, I just_ know _the secret." Joanne fidgeted._

_"It seems to me that you truly have this person's best interest at heart and if you think that it would be harmful to keep the secret then maybe you should tell someone who could help."_

_Joanne nodded and let out a shaky breath. "Mama... about Miriam..."_

**

Joanne opened the door to see Miranda standing on the other side. She smiled, "you came back."

"Only to give you this," Miranda pushed the photograph into Joanne's hand, "and to tell you to leave me alone, forget my phone number and stay out of my life." 

"Miri, calm down. Did something happen?" Joanne was stunned. 

"Whenever you and mama are in my life everything goes to hell. I can't do it anymore, Joanne, I can't feel like I don't have any control over my own life. You and mama are like _poison_." 

"Miriam, please, I don't want to lose you again." Tears sprung to Joanne's eyes, "you're my baby sister and I love you and I'll let you set all the ground rules, I won't call you, I won't ask to meet your daughters or your wife, but please, don't shut me out. I can't lose you again."

"You should have just kept your promise." Miranda snapped, "none of us would be in the situation if you had just kept your promise. You wouldn't have to beg for a second chance. I don't give second chances. Second chances only end in more heartache and misery than they're worth." 

"You got a second chance. When you left the house? Can you honestly tell me you think you'd be the same person if mama hadn't thrown you out? Would you be _here_ , would you have two beautiful twin daughters or your wife?" 

"It wasn't a second chance, it was an entirely new life. Don't try to justify kicking a sixteen year old out of the house." 

"Miri, I raised four kids, three of them girls. I would _never_ kick one of my children out of the house. There isn't a thing in the world my children could do that would make me disown them. I had _no_ idea that mama would react that way. If I had known I never would have told mama." 

"I asked you to do one bloody thing for me. _One_. Not to tell mama." 

"I thought you were on a path of self-destruction!" 

"I was!" Miranda shrieked, raising her voice for the first time in she couldn't remember how long, it was enough to startle her enough to real her temper back a little, "I was and it started as soon as you sat down at the table and told mama that I was pregnant." 

"Goddamnit, Miri, I'm so sorry..." Joanne wiped at her eyes as tears streamed down her cheeks, "you have to know I didn't want that for you." 

"It wasn't your decision." 

"Fuck, Miri, I can't take it back!" Joanne shouted, "hasn't forty years of punishment been enough?" 

The door across the hall opened, and a middle aged man poked his head out, "hey, come on, if you want to shout _at least_ do it in the apartment." 

"No need. I was just leaving." Miranda snarled at Joanne before turning on her heel and storming out. 

_London, England 1972_

_Alda stared at Joanne in wide-eyed shock for a few long moments after Joanne had stopped talking. She stood up and went to the stairs. "Miriam, could you come down here for a minute, please?"_

_Joanne stood up, regretting ratting out her sister. "Mama, what are you-?"_

_"_ Hush _, Joanne." Alda said sharply. The tone was enough to make Joanne stop cold._

_"Yes, mama?" Miriam asked standing on the last step._

_Alda reached down and grabbed hold of the hem of her shirt. Miriam fought her but finally Alda managed to pull the shirt up._

_Miriam burst into tears immediately, defensively pushing her shirt back down. "Mama, I can explain!"_

_"Schlampe!" Alda spat angrily, reaching up and slapping Miriam across the cheek. "You don't have to explain it to me, I know how that happened."_

_Miriam clutched her cheek, staring in shock at her mother. Her eyes welled up as she held the hot, reddening cheek._

_"Mama, don't, please!" Joanne cried._

_"Joanne,_ sit _." Alda roared. She grabbed Miranda by her wrist and yanked her from the stairs. "Meine kleine Schlampe. What do you think Papa would think of his little Prinzessin now?"_

_"Mama, please..."_

_Alda lifted her hand and struck Miriam again. "That was a rhetorical question." She whispered._

_Miriam's hands were at her face, hoping to protect the cheeks from further assault. Alda grabbed her by both wrists, yanking them away from her face, her thumbs digging into sensitive flesh. Miriam's whole body wracked with sobs._

_"Mama, ich bitte Sie... I beg you... bitte..."_

_"Mama, stop!" Joanne screamed, rushing up and grabbing hold of her mother, trying to pull her away from the shaking Miriam._

_Alda struggled against Joanne, pushing back and elbowing her in the face in the process. Alda immediately let go of Miriam. Miriam stumbled backwards, falling against the hall closet. Her muscles trembled, her breath was caught in her throat and she thought that she would suffocate to death._

_"Meine Süße, Joanne. I'm sorry, are you hurt?" Alda cupped Joanne's face tenderly._

_"Mama, stop this!" Joanne shouted, trying to push Alda away from her._

_Alda turned to Miriam, "you did this. This is your fault._ Faules Kind! _Get out of my house. Go and this time don't come back. You and your little bastard." Alda snarled, "_ out! _"_

_Miriam pushed herself off from the wall and darted for the front door, pausing only long enough to throw it open and start pounding the pavement._

_"Miri! Stop!" Joanne shouted, struggling to get up but Alda held her back._

_"Just let her go." Alda said calmly._

_"No!" Joanne shrieked, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Miri!"_

New York, NY, USA 2012

For the first time since she was a child, Miranda felt overwhelmed and suffocated. She laid a hand over her heart, willing herself to breathe. Tears left red streaks through her Sephora bronzer as she took in deep, anxious breaths and she sat there feeling alone and miserable. 

Then again, she _was_ alone and she _was_ miserable. 

Wiping furiously at her betraying eyes, wishing she would just suck it up and stop crying. It wasn't worth it. Her mother wasn't worth it, Joanne wasn't worth it, Lucas wasn't worth it. 

Miranda dug out her Blackberry and hit speeddial button #1. The phone rang once and was dumped to voicemail. "Hi, you've reached Andy Sachs from the Mirror. I can't come to the phone right now but if you leave your name and your contact information I will return your call as soon as I get the chance."

Miranda took a deep breath. "Darling, it's Miranda," she had to pause, "they're gone. I told Lucas to get away from me, I told my mother to stay away from me and I told my sister never to try to call me ever again... okay? I... I just want you not to yell at me anymore." 

Miranda sat there holding the phone to her ear. The little electronic hum rang loudly in her ears and she rubbed her eyes. "I'm going home and I'll wait up for you. I don't care how late you are. I love you." She ended the call and threw the phone in a fit of annoyance to the floor on the passenger side. 

She took a deep breath, pressed down on the clutch pedal, started the car and put it into gear. The car rolled smoothly along the streets of Brooklyn. Miranda stopped at a red light. She leaned her head back against the headrest and stared at the light until it was temporarily burned into her retina. 

When the light turned green she rolled forward and a black compact car from the cross street sped through the red and Miranda turned her head just in time to see the black blur. The black compact tried to slam on its brakes, Miranda tried to slam on her gas but they collided mid-intersection. 

Miranda watched everything happening in slow motion, the black car approaching hers. The front end of the black compact smashed into the passenger-side, shattering the window, twisting, cracking and ripping through the door. The impact pushing the Porsche into the left lane. Miranda held her breath but, miraculously, the compact car stopped moving, stopped pushing, stopped destroying. 

She was just about to start breathing again and let out a sigh of relief when a car going in the other direction slammed into the front of the Porsche, horn blaring, tires screeching. Miranda was jerked back and then forward. 

She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to brace herself but, despite her best efforts, her forehead slammed into the steering wheel, knocking her unconscious instantly.


	10. Chapter 10

"You always have to do this, don't you, Miranda?" Andy rolled her eyes, standing over Miranda's hospital bed. "You say something scathing and you don't even give me a chance for rebuttal. You are an infuriating woman to argue with." 

Miranda lay motionless, other than the slow but steady rise and fall of her chest. Her eyes were shut and iv tubes connected her to essential fluids. 

Andy let out a shaky breath, afraid she was going to start crying again. "But, damnit, Miranda. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I don't even care if we spend the rest of it fighting and arguing, I just want you to wake up." 

Andy's demand was answered only by the _beep_ from the heart monitor. 

Andy sank down into the chair beside the bed. She took her hand and gave it a squeeze, "I love you with all my heart and I want you to have anything and everything that makes you happy. If you want Lucas to stick around... fine, I get that he's your friend. I get that he wants to stay for the girls." She paused, "maybe I was a little jealous that my mother decided to move on so quickly... that she didn't want to stick around to see me get married or get a promotion or something... you and Lucas love your girls so much. I said that I wanted my mother to move heaven and earth for me but I don't care about that anymore. The only person I need is _you_ and god help me, you'd better move heaven and earth to stay with me. Do you hear me? I'm putting my foot down on this one and if you don't comply... well, I'm going to be really pissed." 

Andy stood up and paced the room. She glanced up at the window, looking through Lucas out at the New York skyline. Lucas sighed, watching Andy and Miranda in turn. 

Andy picked up her phone and dialed voicemail again. She listened to Miranda's voicemail for the umpteenth time in the last four days. 

Andy flipped the phone shut and sighed heavily, "you sure know how to make a girl feel guilty." 

A throat was cleared from the doorway. Andy jumped and looked up. Joanne stood there. Lucas watched her curiously. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude." Joanne apologized, taking another tentative step toward the bed.

Andy shook her head, "no, not at all. I can only talk to an unresponsive woman lying in a bed for so long, right?" She held out her hand, "I'm Andy Sachs." 

"I'm Joanne Kessler, I'm Miranda's sister." They shook hands.

"I know."

"She's talked about me?" Joanne looked hopeful. 

"Well, no..." Andy bit her lip. She motioned to her own face for emphasis, "it's the resemblance; it's remarkable. I'd pick you out anywhere." 

"Well, my sister is a beautiful woman, so I'll take that as a compliment." 

Andy turned to look at Miranda, "yeah, she is..." Andy wiped at her eyes, "oh, I'm sorry, I didn't say: I'm Miranda's wife." 

Joanne smiled, "oh, I know, love, you two were nearly bigger than William and Diana." Joanne gestured to another chair, "if you're sure you wouldn't rather be left alone, may I?"

"Please." Andy nodded. "Why haven't we ever met?"

"To be fair, I don't think Miri knew that I moved here. And she changed her name so I didn't know that _Miranda Priestly_ was my baby sister until I finally saw her face in Page Six. The reason why I didn't immediately contact her... and trust me, I wanted to, was because I didn't know if she'd see me." 

"Why wouldn't she see you?" 

"We had a falling out in another lifetime." Joanne said whistfully, "we were two different people and I made a bad decision and it changed her life forever... isn't that meshugene? That one little decision can put such monumental, irreversible events into place?" 

Andy just nodded. After a long pause, she said, "she sent me a voicemail right before the accident that said she told you not to call her again. Did something happen?" 

"I would imagine that she talked to our mother. She always knew exactly how to tear Miri down, she always knew exactly how to hurt her." 

"I can't imagine Miranda letting anyone know her well enough to know _how_ to hurt her." 

"Don't you?" 

Andy looked down at her hands, "yeah... and I guess that I did. I've done it a couple of times and I'm lucky that she's forgiving." 

"She hasn't always been. I think that you must have helped teach her that."

Andy's eyes filled with tears. "Do you think she'll be okay?"

Joanne nodded, "I do. In fact, I'm certain. I'm convinced that not a thing in this world can ever keep her down for long. Like when she was thirteen and she disappeared for three weeks, she came back with no memory of where she was and with white hair, but not a scratch anywhere on her and she checked out completely healthy."

"She was _missing for three weeks_?" Andy was wide-eyed.

"Yes, and I see she neglected to mention..."

"She neglects to mention a lot of things." Andy confirmed. 

"Yes, little Miri was knocked around quite a bit as a child." Joanne pushed a lock of white hair away from Miranda's face. 

"Literally or figuratively?" Andy was afraid to ask. 

"Both." 

Lucas shook his head, crossing his arms across his chest. "Andy, it's cheating to ask the sister." Lucas walked up to them, "she's going to wake up and she'll probably have had some revelation that life is too short to keep things from you and she's going to be pissed that you went behind her back." 

"Was it your mother?" Andy's heart pounded in her chest. 

Joanne nodded, choking up a little. "It was mostly emotional but not always. My mother had a lot of anger and she took almost all of it out on Miri." 

"Andy, just stop!" Lucas yelled, feeling frustrated and upset, "she'll tell you! Give her the chance!" 

"Even if they could hear you, they wouldn't take your advice." Alda scoffed from behind him. He turned, startled. "If it isn't the dapper fellow who was quite difficult to allude. Who are you in all of this?"

Lucas looked back over to the scene, "I'm no one, really. I used to be her husband, I used to be her friend." 

"Miriam has a history of hurting people. She disappoints everyone." 

"No, she doesn't." Lucas snapped. " _No._ People love her. Some people _fear_ her but _revere_ her. I wish that I'd had half the clout that she had, half the charisma, half the power, half the confidence. And I think that I speak for everyone in the room when I say that you should leave." 

Alda shook her head curtly, "no, I think I'll stick around for the show." 

"What are you talking about?" Lucas looked worried. 

"I feel it, I can feel _her_. She's passing... I feel it... the feeling is getting stronger..."

As if on cue Miranda's heart monitor started to slow. Andy jumped to her feet, "what's happening?" Her heart started to race and she yelled, "nurse! _Nurse_!" 

Joanne and Lucas watched in horror. Andy grabbed Miranda's hand, the heart rate continuing to peter out. "No..." Andy's eyes welled with tears, "no, fuck you. You promised me forever." 

Finally, the heart monitor stopped beeping, Miranda's chest stopped rising, there was sickening silence and stillness in the room. Andy didn't dare breathe, as if stopping herself in this moment could prolong Miranda's life, stop time from moving forward. All those cliche aphorisms that people who've lost loved ones often bandy about. Andy was living it; it was her reality. 

Alda and Lucas stared at Miranda's body lying on the bed. Alda looked at the monitor and clapped her hands together, "alright, that's it. That's clinical death. My youngest daughter has died." 

"So where is she?" Lucas asked softly, looking around for the apparition but found that there were no extra beings in the room with them.

Alda furrowed her brow, "I don't know..." she looked around. 

Andy gasped, "she squeezed my hand!" 

Joanne put a hand on Andy's back, "I know it's hard, but sometimes the muscles in the body contract after death." 

"No," Andy said sternly, "take her wrist, feel it." 

Joanne wrapped her hand around Miranda's wrist, the tips of her fingers resting against the veins that ran up her arm. Joanne bit her lip, "I will admit that it feels like her pulse is coming back..." 

Miranda started to mumble, her forehead creased, her brow furrowed and finally her lips set in an angry purse. 

Andy was breathless, she was awed and scared. She reached up and touched Miranda's forehead, "Miranda, are you okay?" She asked dumbfoundedly.

Miranda snorted, "no, I'm not bloody _okay_ , that Camry wrecked my Porsche. Running a red light in Brooklyn," she muttered, sitting up with a small groan and a little creak but with relative ease. She looked around, "why am I here?" 

Andy burst into tears, "oh my god, Miranda." Andy wrapped her arms around her wife and squeezed her tight until Miranda coughed. She loosed her grip and pulled back to look at her. "You're the most amazing person on the planet, do you know that? The most infuriating, aggravating, _amazing, wonderful_ person who has ever existed." 

"Did something happen?" Miranda raised an eyebrow. Miranda then looked beyond Andy to see the three ghosts of her past staring at her slackjawed. Joanne, Lucas and Alda stared at her unabashedly, completely unable to believe their own eyes. Miranda narrowed her eyes at them, "I thought I told all of you off." 

Joanne laughed, "mein Gott, Miri..." 

Miranda ran her hand through her hair, "Lucas and Joanne can stay." Miranda said looking pointedly at Alda. 

"I came here to welcome you to the afterlife! Mein Gott, you're ungrateful!" Alda scowled. 

"Well, thanks but no thanks, I don't need you, I don't want you and I don't _like_ you. I want you to leave me alone and leave my family alone. You were a miserable old witch and I don't need that in my life, nor do I know anyone who does." 

"Dying makes her touchy." Alda muttered to Lucas. 

" _You_ make her touchy. Get the fuck out of here." Lucas crossed his arms across his chest, Alda looked aggrieved for a moment before disappearing. 

"Thank you, Lucas, but I don't need a bodyguard." Miranda sat up further, digging an iv out of her arm. 

"Miranda, stop that." Andy insisted trying to stop her from pulling out the other one. "Where's the nurse? Nurse!" 

"Like hell you don't need a bodyguard, Miranda. How many times do I have to tell you not to drive angry?" Lucas asked pointedly. 

"The Camry hit _me_." Mirand pursed her lips and turned back to Andy. "I don't need these, I'm fine. I want to go home. Where are the girls?"

"You do need them. You're not fine, you just _died_ and came back to life after being in a car accident. You can't go home just yet and the girls are getting some sleep." 

**

The next day Miranda was cleared to go home. The baffled doctors felt that they had no other option, they'd run all of the tests they could think of and Miranda appeared to have sustained no lasting damage. 

The truth about comas is that only about 50% of all comatose people ever wake up and then a mere 10% of that make a full recovery. This was Miranda's second coma within a year and if you add the odds of that to the odds of making a full recovery _twice_ , Miranda would be a fool not to play those odds in Vegas. 

Roy made a surprise appearance to pick them up at the hospital. He and Andy greeted each other enthusiastically. Miranda grunted her appreciation and gave him a small smile in the rearview mirror as she settled in. 

The girls were glued to her sides, holding her arms, feeling her warmth, not wanting to break contact with her. Caroline looked to Andy, "tell the story again."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Girls. _Again_? You've heard it three times already." She caught Roy's amused eyes in the mirror and Miranda smirked. 

"Mom, how often does someone die and come back to life?" Cassidy demanded, "it's an awesome story. I feel like you should have super powers now."

"Apart from the obvious?" Miranda raised her eyebrows, not wanting to mention her ability to see ghosts in front of Roy. 

"Oh yeah," Cassidy laughed. "I forget about that sometimes. Like, it's just part of our lives now." 

Andy smiled across the backseat at her little family. "It certainly is." 

When they arrived at the townhouse, Andy and the Priestly's got out of the car. Miranda thanked Roy and then followed everyone inside. Lucas smiled at her in the foyer, "can I talk to you about a theory for a moment?" 

Miranda took a deep breath, "yes, alright."

"Let's go sit in the sitting room." 

"Why don't you just tell me here?" 

Lucas and Miranda stared at each other defiantly until, defeated, Lucas sighed, "what if you died?" 

"We all know that I died, Lucas." Miranda put a hand on her hip in bravado. 

"No, not last night. In 1965. What if you're dead already?"


End file.
